Today whilst reading my Science Daily subscription, I come across a research paper titled ‘Whether direct or indirect parental alienation harms families’.
Parent alienation is a behaviour where one parent purposely tryst to damage a child’s relationship with the other parent. The paper reports gender differences in many types of alienating behaviours. It found mothers to use more ‘indirect’ and fathers to use ‘indirect’ and ‘direct’ at similar levels. Strategies involved in the ‘direct’ alienation include:
- direct aggression at child exchange time
- alienating parent blocks time spent with other parent
- alienating parent sends hostile emails and texts to target parent
- alienating parent blocks or changes phone number so no contact can be made
- alienating parent makes unlateral decisions about the child in violation other parent
Indirect strategies include:
- alienating parent calls the police to get targeted parent arrested based on false claims
- alienating parent bad mouths the targeted parent to the child
- alienating parent turns friends and family against targeted parent
- alienating parent tells children details about court proceedings
- alienating parent lists step-parent as biological parent on school records
The problem here is that for authorities these situations can be difficult to determine if abuse is happening or if alienating is happening. The study suggests the reason for this being when the majority of the behaviours are indirect, as these indirect behaviours are harder to prove and document. Also they often go unrecognized.
It also states alienating parents lie to manipulate, spread rumours and make false claims. All this makes it challenging for the custody evaluator to unravel.
I personally do genuinely sympathize with any authority figures given the difficult task of spotting the perpetrator in these cases. I would argue that unless you have directly experienced the actions of another human being with no empathy wotsoever, who is hellbent on getting their own way using any means necessary and almost always they are pathological liars who use underhand tactics such as smear campaigns to portray their innocence. These individuals have absolutely no concern for the well being of their children and in fact in some cases their aim is to actually harm the child’s emotional and sometimes physical well being and therefore causing further stress in the targeted parent. They will stop at nothing to gain control of the situation and enjoy seeing and causing trauma in others.
Evidence of the darkness
I feel the necessity to disclose my personal experience to guide others as to the difficulty of discernment with the darkness. I was gifted clairsentience and claircognizance when the veil was lifted in my life, and the shocking and horrific revelation of the darkness was before me, face to face. I could see the darkness within my partner who was also the father of my children. I will be honest simply witnessing this at first glance the true nature of someone I held so dear and loved so very much was an intensely scary experience in itself. I wasnt prepared at all to uncover the darkness that had infiltrated my home and although the undeniable truth was right before my eyes, I wrestled with this situation more than I like to admit, initially hoping there was some way to save my loved one.
I instantly knew I had to remove this entity from my home. When I was standing in close proximity to him his vibration literally rattled mine, however, he was reluctant to leave and the battle began. Using visualization I would fill the room then the entire house with blessed hearts of unconditional love. He would vacate each room and then as he was surrounded he would make a fast exit for the door. I then followed up with a text telling him not to return and it worked he didnt come back and moved into his own place. Regretfully, and I cant stress enough how much I have wept and almost succumb to the guilt of what happened next.
He requested to see his children and still trying to find an explanation of what had happened, I genuinely thought it was only me who was in danger from this entity. I had been in a relationship with him for 11yrs and with the thick fog surrounding me I had not realised the underhand and snide tactics that were taking place on his part. Naively I allowed the children to visit him on the weekends. Shortly after, approximately two weeks and I had started to experience repetitive thoughts of ‘are my children safe in his care’. I began to research and it became clear he was without a doubt exhibiting narcissistic traits and he always had been I just hadn’t been able to my finger on it before. I continued on with the research and then after trailing through masses of information I come accross an article stating, to my horror, that narcissists are a huge danger to their own children. I was mortified, but still regretfully naive as to exactly what this danger entailed. I decided to go undercover, befriending him as I knew if we were still not on speaking terms I simply wouldnt get the truth he would put on a show of wanted he wanted me to perceive. I successfully gained access and spent time in his company while the kids were there. He actually took it upon himself to tell his friends and family we were back together, we were not, but i didnt interrupt his sherade to get a clear picture of what care he was giving my children.
Things unfolded rapidly, his house was filthy, when I would arrive and my children were thilthy, sticky from head to toe. I would wash them and then clean the house but only because my children were in there. His egocentrical self led him to believe I was tidying it for him! Nothing could be further from the truth, I detested him at this point. Then I would call in later at night to see the situation at bedtime. The older two children made it clear they didn’t have a bedtime and neither did the two year old! Who were all left to fend for themselves whilst ‘dad’s entertained friends in the kitchen. I would put the oldest two to bed and take the two year old home.
Then the next weekend something disturbing took place. I think ‘dad’s had realised my game at this point, noticing my disgust and relentless lecturing and also that he was powerless to me. I had become immune to his subliminal techniques and his snide tactics and could clearly see his wierd smiles, so now he would completely turn away in the attempt of hiding them. All of his actions were now extremely obvious to me. It had gotten to the point of blatency, I could see this entity at work every little manouver and I wondered how I had ever missed it all previously. So I had called in late concerned and the older two were awake but this time the two year old was asleep on the couch. I agreed to a cup of coffee and sat in the kitchen. Within minutes the baby began to cry. The ‘dad’s hurriedly ran into the other room to check on him. I followed through moments later to see why he was screaming in an unusual manner. His eyes were still closed and he wasnt fully awake and he was having this unusual screaming fit in his sleep. The ‘dad’ had tried to quiet him but it was clearly having no effect and yet he was still not really awake. I sat next to him, cradled him in my arms but he remained asleep yet screaming in a disturbing manner. Something didnt sit right with me and I stated I was taking him home somethings wrong with him. I put him into the car, leaving the older children, as soon as I began to drive away he stopped. Home was only a short distance away where I settled him into bed and he was absolutely fine. I come to the conclusion he must of had a stomach ache or something.
The next weekend came and to my unease the exact same thing happened again. I couldn’t figure it out but I knew for certain something wasnt right. The next morning I arrived early to pick the older two children up and I couldn’t believe my sight. I have never seen anything like it before. The children looked unrecognizable to me. Its difficult to describe other than empty, like the life had been drained out of them. I immediately started questioning them, what’s wrong?, are you ok?, you dont look right, then my daughter began repeating over and over again – have you seen my string, my string, I cant find it, my string, have you seen it?My son just started kicking toys and anything he could find at his feet. I went into shock myself, what on earth could make them look so out of character like this? What had happened to them? I felt extremely unwell something was very very untoward and i couldn’t comprehend what I was seeing. I turned to the ‘dad’s questioning him what’s wrong with them, what’s happened? I’ve never seen any kid look like that ever in my whole life! What have you done to them? He replied shouting back at me, the other two are naughty, (meaning my oldest two who are not his biologically and wouldnt visit him as they never liked him from a young age) With utter disbelief I stated I never said anyone had been naughty and what on earth has it got to do with them whom you haven’t even seen for weeks???
With this he looked unsettled and slammed the door on me! I knew right there and then he was a very dangerous individual he had done something terrible they were traumatized and I was overtook with despair. They have never been back there since. He has relentlessly tried to gain access to them through inappropriate avenues, involving their friends parents getting them to lie to me, I’ve had countless flying monkeys knocking on my door. He’d started a smear campaign against me long before but now I found myself under full blown attack from all angles.
I will not give in. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing they were in his care not even for a moment. He’s threatened court repeatedly, but nothing has come of it. I wont back down my children mean the world to me and they have clear symptoms of the after effects of severe trauma (I’ll do a separate post about these) A mothers one mission in her life is to protect her children.
Since then I still recieve regular threats, but I’ve also found out what been going on in that house and to me and my children for all these years, he is a malignant narcissist and honestly I have never knew a darkness like this existed. I will write another post with more details regarding the malignant narcissist and the after effects and reveal an even darker more sinister involvement at play here, but for now though I need to decompose, just writing about the experience haunts me greatly.